Simply because…. they suck. I do get a kick out of them once in a while. Don’t get me wrong. I love people like Dan Bongino, Judge Jeanine, Tomi Lahren, and so many other people who are willing to tell you where you can stick it. But when you make a democratic power–play for money right in front of my face, Or you are fishing for a give a damn about something I obvs don’t…. then, HOUSTON, we have a problem. What in the h***? Why is he telling Houston we have a problem all of the sudden? What, does he think he’s some kinds a funny guise? –––– Look. I’m so fricken hilarious that I walk around chuckle–boxing my lil tee-tiny head off all day long. Again, don’t get me wrong, major ups and downs– consistently, just like everybody else. But, at the end of the day, you can expect me to shoot it straight with you, and not mince any words for anyone.

Bullshit don’t walk where I come from. You smell me? You kick the shit out of that little bullshit, you “herd”? Bullshit ain’t nothing but a turd. A dried up turd that don’t stink unless you step in it or start kicking the dang thing around. But it’s too fun not to kick the turd when you’re growing up. You can’t help it, you just gotta kick some shit. Why trust me? Cuz, I was born in a small town and grew up in a big’un. Always went back home growing up, but now I don’t got no reason to (and I don’t care too neither). Well, that’s neither here nor there, so let’s get back to here. What am I here for? I’m here to write you stories, to see what I can dig up, because I love to romp and play in the fields looking for things to hunt down and see what I can shake down from it. Don’t try and sneak up behind me and breathe down my neck, or else I’ll memorize your smell and then tracking you down will be even easier than if you just would have kept your dirty ass distance in the first place.

I’m not here to be vulgar and rude, it’s just that the level of disrespect here has reached an all–time–high and I’m bout ready to start a war in this place and start rioting for no reason until Ed Mercer himself has to come outside his house and face me like a man (however, this man cowers and bout darn near faints when he hears my name). What is the deal with the prevalence of inequality in this town when it comes to people in the gosh darn grocery stores? Do you truly hate journalists? Or do you really just hate yourself for being such a dirty ding dong in the first place? You should be ashamed of yourself, you filthy animals!!!! You’re just gosh darn disgusting, you disgust me, and the best part is? YOU’VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY!!!!!!!!